The People's Republic of Alpinwald is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by President Dietrich with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cheerful population of 6.472 billion Alpinwaldians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Munich. The average income tax rate is 96.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Alpinwaldian economy, worth a remarkable 1,018 trillion münzes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 157,390 münzes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign musicians that President Dietrich dislikes are turned away at the border, Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Alpinwald as a reminder of their "special relationship", forty-year-old men are asked for their ID before watching the latest pony cartoon movies, and it takes a village to catch a criminal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alpinwald's national animal is the hawk, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Alpinwald is ranked 279,987^th in the world and 287^th in The Leftist Assembly for Most Primitive, scoring -339.32 on the Scary Big Number Scale.