The Kingdom of Almain is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Lord Paramount Elrid with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, avowedly heterosexual populace, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 28.214 billion Almainians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Environment, Healthcare, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Myria. The average income tax rate is 63.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Almainian economy, worth a remarkable 2,240 trillion Mains a year, is extremely specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 79,418 Mains, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The country behaves just like a group of independent provinces all stacked up under a trench coat, the police ransack more houses than criminals do, a cat may look at a king and a dude can look at an ass, and every day has been a surprise since weather reporters turned to consulting ancient totems for their seven-day forecasts. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Almain's national animal is the Auroch, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is none.

Almain is ranked 17,676^th in the world and 981^st in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 90 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.