The Bar on the corner of every regionBoard

Recruynia wrote:

(Thanks for opening a tavern within our region. We will gladly use it for our unwinding of our hard-working days for our citizenry.) <3

Oh, sure, unwinding is fine, I guess ... but it's more fun to wind everyone up and get them all riled up and fussy. So here are some of my favorite questions for winding people up:

• By how much is your favorite sports team going to get beaten by its arch-rival this year? I mean, come on--why does your team even bother showing up?

• Gosh, sorry to hear your favorite political candidate is dropping quickly in the polling. Do you blame yourself for making bad choices?

• Do you seriously go out in public dressed like that often?--Or is this a really big one-time lapse in judgment?

• What do you do for a living? Have you figured it out yet?

• No, you can't have a beer. Because I said so, that's why. How about a glass of tap water instead?*

• What's your name again? No, that can't be it. You look like a "Myrtle." May I call you "Myrtle" instead?

Feel free to try these in your personal life too. They're guaranteed to liven up any conversation. Trust me--I talk to people for a living, so I'm something of an expert on how to wind them up.
_____

_{* This one is obviously a joke. Everyone here knows the Bar's tap water contains more dangerous chemicals and is far more mutagenic than a beer. Well, most beers at least.}

*The dog takes an Ounce outside*

My original bird species, the Sparvixes, a carnivorous bird with the features of a fox, is out migrating for the winter as of now to go get some unhatched eggs from their hawk rivals across the European continent and are only doing so just to tease them, but they dislike flying over large bodies of water, so they have to travel over land. They do this every November. Who do you think they can win, the Sparvixes or the Hawks?

A small conversation within the bar has just occurred between two of my citizens to lighten the day:

Drunken Citizen 1: "Hey yo, some flighty birds I seein' just got out of their nests for the winter."
Drunken Citizen 2: "I see no bird with fox-like tails and ears like that! What are they planning? Burrrrpp!"
Drunken Citizen 1: "They're lookin' for something, like black prey, black birds with swords. Swords, I tell you!"
Drunken Citizen 2: "Nothin' against sword-wielding black birds, I say, old chap! I just drank too much to bear!"

Welcome back, Arghoth. We took your regular seat in to have it sand-blasted, but you can take the next seat over while you wait for yours to be disinfected, reupholstered, and re-Simonized. Simon has promised to be finished with it by Monday.

*Some zombies drag Ekkab to the freezer*

Princes Risborough and its Republics wrote:

I’ll accept any kind of poem this week, but dark humour is fun. The darker the better. _{just don’t break the nationstates rules}

I'm too drunk to write a poem
So instead, I'll write something about rum
I'm certainly no bum
Despite being numb
I have no clue what this verse is
My only hope is you'll understand
That all I have is written firsthand
And with no doubt, freehand.

*A horde of crabs enter the bar, dancing all over unsuspecting patrons*

*They want rum. But not just any rum. They want rum with -∞% gunpowder and π‰ rabies*

*They click their pincers impatiently*

Arghoth wrote:

I exist.

So we noticed. But as with all statements of fact, is that a good thing, a bad thing, or simply a verifiable thing?

You ready for a refill?

10000 Ants wrote:

LONG LIVE EMPEROR MUFAD URY 2ND! OORAH![/i]

*Sigh* I knew letting our service agreement with that insect exterminator lapse was a bad idea.

Crab rave island wrote:

*A horde of crabs enter the bar, dancing all over unsuspecting patrons*
*They want rum. But not just any rum. They want rum with -∞% gunpowder and π‰ rabies*

Well, this hasn't happened in a couple of weeks now, so I award one bonus point for novelty.

Unfortunately, according to that annoying Health Department board and its prosecuting attorneys, we can no longer reveal the amount of rabies in our drinks. So ... here's a large keg of run, four dozen crab-sized straws, and a bunch of chaser-shots rumored to contain pure grain alcohol, gunpowder, and oily drippings from our air-conditioner unit. You'll either love 'em, or Cheffy will be serving up more of those famous Deviled Crab omelettes for the breakfast special. Order up!

Brocklandia wrote:

So we noticed. But as with all statements of fact, is that a good thing, a bad thing, or simply a verifiable thing?

You ready for a refill?

*Sigh* I knew letting our service agreement with that insect exterminator lapse was a bad idea.

Well, this hasn't happened in a couple of weeks now, so I award one bonus point for novelty.

Unfortunately, according to that annoying Health Department board and its prosecuting attorneys, we can no longer reveal the amount of rabies in our drinks. So ... here's a large keg of run, four dozen crab-sized straws, and a bunch of chaser-shots rumored to contain pure grain alcohol, gunpowder, and oily drippings from our air-conditioner unit. You'll either love 'em, or Cheffy will be serving up more of those famous Deviled Crab omelettes for the breakfast special. Order up!

Verifiable, later may become bad.
Cause let me tell ya, I've gone through 5 stages of grief.
So I'm gonna be a clown.
And maybe even worship a spider.

Crab rave island wrote:

*Proceeds to ignore the drink in favor of terrorizing 10000 Ants, then gets tired and decides to add their own rabies to the drink.*
...and the unsuspecting patrons

How will we tell the difference? "Rabies" has been our standard explanation for customers' behavior for decades.

Brocklandia wrote:

silly peaches

*The crabs are confused*

Crab rave island wrote:

*The crabs are confused*

Good, good. Now tell me: How do you feel about celery salt, butter, and boiling water?

Imperial Alexandrias wrote:

terrorism is bad

Are you sure? "Terrorism" is a word applied by the people who have political power and privilege and used to slant public opinion against the people they oppress. "Terrorism" is a reductive media-construct word applied to replace dialog and meaningful discussion of an issue by eliciting a knee-jerk reaction, used to describe acts that are often an oppressed people's last resort against larger power that refuses to acknowledge them or their values. Fight the power.

Or, you know, just parrot "terrorism is bad." All the same to me.