The Anti-Harry Potter Prison of Eta Carinae is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Sauron with an iron fist, and renowned for its strictly enforced bedtime, parental licensing program, and triple-decker prams. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 46.493 billion Eta Carinaeans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Environment, Law & Order, and Spirituality are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dark Tower. The average income tax rate is 5.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Eta Carinaean economy, worth an astonishing 16,263 trillion nazgs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 349,799 nazgs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins, baseball caps are the new fashion trend, artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common, and prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Eta Carinae's national animal is the orc, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Morgothism.

Eta Carinae is ranked 291,162^nd in the world and 202^nd in Hell for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring -32.56 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.