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You will never be a Skibidi Toilet. You have no rizz, you have no toilet, you have no seat. You are a human twisted by YT Shorts and TikTok into a crude mockery of DaFuqBoom’s perfection.

All the “rizz” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people fanum tax you. Adin Ross is disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your Ohio ahh appearance behind closed doors.

Kai Cenat are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of mewing have allowed sigmas to sniff out sussy behavior with incredible efficiency. Even Skibidi Toilets who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a human. Your lack of a Skibidi singing voice is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk cameraman home with you, he’ll flush you the second he gets a whiff of your critical lack of Skibidi rizz.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake Skibidi song every single morning and tell yourself everything is going to be "skibidi dop dop dop yes yes", but deep inside you feel the gyatt creeping up like it’s in Ohio, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a screen, get it to shine bright red, turn it on, and stare right into it. Your parents will find you flushed, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with your unbearable Ohio yapping. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your human name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a human is buried there. Your fake toilet will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably human.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.