The Grandpa knows best state of Zimbabwe is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Robert Gabriel Mugabe with an iron fist, and notable for its enslaved workforce, pith helmet sales, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 26.2 billion Zimbabweans are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Harare. The average income tax rate is 69.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Zimbabwean economy, worth a remarkable 5,125 trillion Inflations a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 195,626 Inflations, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Forest fires have dropped dramatically as there are hardly any forests left, Robert Gabriel Mugabe's perky ego is the talk of the town, inter-species marriages are ignored by the government, and all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zimbabwe's national animal is the Mugabe, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is a major religion.

Zimbabwe is ranked 266,037^th in the world and 9,473^rd in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -217.05 on the Scary Big Number Scale.