The Free Market Empire of Zerni is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Emperor Mishami with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, anti-smoking policies, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 35.721 billion Zernians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The tiny, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zerni City. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Zernian economy, worth an astonishing 15,546 trillion Credits a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 435,206 Credits, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.9 times as much as the poorest.

Owning a tractor is widely regarded as an essential prerequisite to most government positions, practically perfect royal toddlers tend to say "regrettably not at this juncture" rather than "no", neighbouring countries pay to situate their nuclear power plants in Zerni, and the government-sponsored autobiography 'An Emperor Mishami For All Seasons' has only been bought by the most loyal of Emperor Mishami's supporters. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Zerni's national animal is the silver lynx, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is shinto.

Zerni is ranked 312,465^th in the world and 3^rd in Zernxi Sector for Nicest Citizens, with 0.11 average smiles per day.