The Republic of Zarovnikov is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Supreme Leader Michael with an iron fist, and notable for its prohibition of alcohol, avowedly heterosexual populace, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 3.221 billion Zarovnikovians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ion. The average income tax rate is 86.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Zarovnikovian economy, worth 416 trillion Eternals a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 129,161 Eternals, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

T-bagging dead Bigtopians merits a medal of honor, the musical cognoscenti insist the national anthem just isn't the same without a double contrabass flute, joggers are often arrested for breathing too heavily, and children are afraid to go out at night due to the ubiquity of hardened jaywalkers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zarovnikov's national animal is the Phoenix, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Atheism.

Zarovnikov is ranked 184,885^th in the world and 2^nd in Ego Aeternum for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 245.18 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.