The Eternal Republic of Xirnium is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by the High Court of Parliament with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, hatred of cheese, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 31.756 billion Xirniumites are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Närväryn the Beautiful. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 1.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Xirniumite economy, worth an astonishing 11,568 trillion florins a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 364,297 florins, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,412,044 per year while the poor average 3,279, a ratio of 1,040 to 1.

Young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield, the national security service are a bunch of crooks, nobody ever seems to enter or leave the armour-plated flying castle that serves as the seat of government, and appliance stores are finding spy cameras embedded in their unboxed merchandise. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Xirnium's national animal is the common barn owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is a chthonic goddess religion.

Xirnium is ranked 1,726^th in the world and 2^nd in The Forgotten Lands for Fattest Citizens, with 44.96 Obesity Rate.