The Safe Haven of Weaklings is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by an exceptionally large crow with a fair hand, and renowned for its daily referendums, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 5.236 billion Weaklings are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Undefendedopolis. The average income tax rate is 82.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Weaklinian economy, worth 637 trillion Sporks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Cheese Exports. Average income is an impressive 121,699 Sporks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The Weaklinian Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation, animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs, sick Weaklings are hair today and gone tomorrow, and all facts are created equal. Crime is totally unknown. Weaklings's national animal is the Lizard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Weaklings is ranked 7,622^nd in the world and 1^st in Cutie Pookies for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 6,624.85 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.