The Colony of Wallach I is a huge, genial nation, renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, parental licensing program, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 822 million Wallach Iians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. The average income tax rate is 59.0%.

The strong Wallach Iian economy, worth 62.0 trillion Marks a year, is led by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 75,441 Marks, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

An extra hand on the leg will give a horse-and-a-half of lead in a hundred jiffies on seven furlongs, it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors, the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, and drivers regularly pull over for nonexistent police cars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Wallach I's national animal is the Bat, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Wallach I is ranked 300,826^th in the world and 97^th in Wallach for Most Rebellious Youth, scoring -17 on the Stark-Dean Displacement Index.