The Republic of Van Halen is a mammoth, efficient nation, remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, free-roaming dinosaurs, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 8.183 billion Van Halenians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pasadena. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Van Halenian economy, worth a remarkable 1,001 trillion vans a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 122,401 vans, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 372,212 per year while the poor average 31,260, a ratio of 11.9 to 1.

Government bureaucrats review designs for birdhouses to ensure they do not block the views of neighbors, one complaint of Van Halen's new periodic table is it's easy to confuse fearlessleaderium with gloriousleaderium, every day is laundry day, and a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Van Halen's national animal is the halen, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Van Halen is ranked 42,471^st in the world and 2^nd in California for Highest Average Incomes, with 122,401.73 Standard Monetary Units.