The Chartered Republic of Valvia is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Gabe Newell with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, keen interest in outer space, and public floggings. The hard-working, humorless population of 8.918 billion Customers are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Education also on the agenda, while Environment and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gabenland. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 2.0%.

The frighteningly efficient a Customer economy, worth a remarkable 1,441 trillion steam credits a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 161,644 steam credits, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 659,390 per year while the poor average 26,270, a ratio of 25.1 to 1.

Rioting and unrest sweep the nation, people with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia faint upon diagnosis, global warming is heating up, and the government endows universities based on clearly demonstrated greed. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Valvia's national animal is the gabe, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Gabeism.

Valvia is ranked 278,008^th in the world and 101^st in The Creeds for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 389.8 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.