The Leopardish Kinric of Valoptia is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Asher Wiley with an iron fist, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, ban on automobiles, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.134 billion Valoptians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Osearwynn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Valoptian economy, worth a remarkable 6,470 trillion pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 708,403 pounds, with the richest citizens earning 5.2 times as much as the poorest.

Fire and brimstone sermons are accompanied by napalm and fragmentation bombs, a popular saying is "a chicken for every pot and an abortion clinic on every street", in a desperate bid for cheap airfare Valoptians can be seen jogging in a rubber suit just before flying, and drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valoptia's national animal is the snow leopard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Adoptionism.

Valoptia is ranked 199,480^th in the world and 133^rd in The Order of the Grey Wardens for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 30.74 on the Clooney Contribution Index.