The Leopardish Kinric of Valoptia is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by Asher Wiley with an iron fist, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, state-planned economy, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.565 billion Valoptians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while Welfare and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Osearwynn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Valoptian economy, worth a remarkable 6,957 trillion pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 727,431 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.4 times as much as the poorest.

Aggravated apostrophe abusers are admonished and assaulted, foreigners are treated with great suspicion, a small country is wondering where their capitol building's gold dome went, and weekends are spent tilting at windmills. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valoptia's national animal is the snow leopard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Adoptionism.

Valoptia is ranked 281^st in the world and 1^st in The Order of the Grey Wardens for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 19,795.77 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.