The Dominion of The Useless Cards is a huge, efficient nation, ruled by Albert Karrol-Carsson with an iron fist, and remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, otherworldly petting zoo, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 945 million Cardsians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Industry also on the agenda, while Welfare and Environment are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mount Isa. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 36.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Cardsian economy, worth 136 trillion Chips a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 144,686 Chips, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 713,477 per year while the poor average 16,716, a ratio of 42.7 to 1.

Policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence', political activists are routinely executed, several inches are being added to first class seating, and the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Useless Cards's national animal is the Joker, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Useless Cards is ranked 1,304^th in the world and 1^st in Upside Down Australia for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 9,361.14 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.