The Glorious Empire of The Scandinvans is a gargantuan, efficient nation, notable for its smutty television, zero percent divorce rate, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 38.677 billion Scandinvans enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Valdra. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Scandinvansian economy, worth an astonishing 15,571 trillion Darvians a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an amazing 402,607 Darvians, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,755,111 per year while the poor average 3,824, a ratio of 982 to 1.

Animal Liberationists are regularly jailed, pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil, the military has declared that 'a woman's place is in the mess hall', and Scandinvansian actors literally work from cradle to grave. Crime is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Scandinvans's national animal is the Artic Wolf, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Scandinvans is ranked 6,899^th in the world and 12^th in Gholgoth for Smartest Citizens, with 110.46 quips per hour.