The Relaxing Naps on the Bench of The Junior Griffey is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by John Kruk with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, public floggings, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 18.431 billion The Kids are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government prioritizes Law & Order, with Education, Environment, and Industry also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Clara. The average income tax rate is 43.9%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong griffed economy, worth a remarkable 1,247 trillion Hamstrings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Trout Farming. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 67,675 Hamstrings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government-run newspapers insist that everything is fine, the term "Native The Kid" has been redefined as anyone with the same skin color as the majority, international collectors know that a grease-stain on a work of art probably means it's passed through The Junior Griffey, and griffed athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Junior Griffey's national animal is the Joe Morgan, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is knitting.

The Junior Griffey is ranked 249,642^nd in the world and 2^nd in Your Fathers Mustache for Highest Food Quality, scoring 7.61 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.