The Irish Banter of The Emotionally Distressed Panda is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Ireland with an iron fist, and renowned for its fear of technology, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.832 billion Pandas are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Spirituality, Law & Order, and Industry are also considered important, while Welfare and Education receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dublin. The average income tax rate is 93.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Pandan economy, worth a remarkable 6,178 trillion Gold Coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 367,047 Gold Coins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police, the government has certified several glow-in-the-dark athletes as drug free, the nation's cuisine is the laughing stock of Disney World, and saying 'no homo' is enough to escape punishment for the crime of being gay. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The Emotionally Distressed Panda's national animal is the Panda, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Yodlism.

The Emotionally Distressed Panda is ranked 38,659^th in the world and 21^st in Disney World for Lowest Crime Rates, with 78.25 law-abiding acts per hour.