The Irish Banter of The Emotionally Distressed Panda is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Ireland with an iron fist, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, unlimited-speed roads, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 21.98 billion Pandas are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Spirituality, Law & Order, and Industry also on the agenda, while Welfare and Education are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dublin. The average income tax rate is 41.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Pandan economy, worth a remarkable 6,653 trillion Gold Coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 302,701 Gold Coins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

The nation's black ops are starting to get on people's nerves, the golden rule is to never let an economic crisis go to waste, half of Pandan history is deemed too unpatriotic to be mentioned in textbooks, and the people say nuts to meat-based proteins. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. The Emotionally Distressed Panda's national animal is the Easter bunny, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Yodlism.

The Emotionally Distressed Panda is ranked 108^th in the world and 1^st in Disney World for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 43,963.18 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.