The Lucky Zombie Motorcyclists of The Eltran is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Saint Patrick with a fair hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, barren, inhospitable landscape, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 8.037 billion Trains live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The relatively small, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Shamrock. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Trainiac economy, worth 987 trillion gold bars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Pizza Delivery. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an impressive 122,747 gold bars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 843,098 per year while the poor average 6,391, a ratio of 131 to 1.

Electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor, hedge fund managers are diversifying into herbaceous borders, Tesco was recently named as the new national treasurer, and politicians tend to speak more loudly and slowly these days. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Eltran's national animal is the Cow, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Motorcyclism.

The Eltran is ranked 77,569^th in the world and 128^th in The League for Nicest Citizens, with 15.51 average smiles per day.