The Utopia of The Beach is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by The Beach Bum with a fair hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, absence of drug laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 17.723 billion Beachians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Bonfire. The average income tax rate is 95.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Beachian economy, worth a remarkable 2,935 trillion sand dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Cheese Exports. Average income is an impressive 165,616 sand dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.1 times as much as the poorest.

Sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors, elections have become procedural nightmares due to voters persistently rejecting candidates, noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law, and the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Beach's national animal is the dolphin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is The Beach.

The Beach is ranked 19,755^th in the world and 2^nd in The Beach for Lowest Crime Rates, with 94.72 law-abiding acts per hour.