The Watchfires of Submariner-1 is a gargantuan, safe nation, notable for its otherworldly petting zoo, free-roaming dinosaurs, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 27.994 billion Submariner-1ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Welfare. The average income tax rate is 37.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Submariner-1ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,642 trillion $$s a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 58,683 $$s, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason, a third of Submariner-1ians are e-certified CEOs, man-love is banned in the name of His love, and bizarre-looking creatures called 'Dolly Vardendogs' dominate wildlife preserves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Submariner-1's national animal is the Dolly Varden, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Submariner-1 is ranked 43,052^nd in the world and 1^st in The Bismarck for Nicest Citizens, with 18.02 average smiles per day.