The Protectorate of Spires is a colossal, socially progressive nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape and irreverence towards religion. The hard-working, cynical population of 2.969 billion Spiresians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 19.6%.

The Spiresian economy, worth 126 trillion lire a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Retail, Automobile Manufacturing, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 42,707 lire, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.7 times as much as the poorest.

Skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines, matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold, the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, and the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions. Crime is moderate. Spires's national animal is the horse, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Spires is ranked 150,945^th in the world and 2^nd in Forbidden for Longest Average Lifespans, with 70.1 years.