The United Socialist States of Schultaria Prime is a gargantuan, safe nation, renowned for its daily referendums, smutty television, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic population of 39.97 billion Schultarians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government is primarily concerned with Education, although Defense, Social Policy, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schultaria Prime. The average income tax rate is 94.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Schultarian economy, worth a remarkable 6,486 trillion Merlons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 162,287 Merlons, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners, five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes, electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor, and brave curators do battle with disorganised government libraries. Crime is totally unknown. Schultaria Prime's national animal is the Hawk, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Schultaria Prime is ranked 5,636^th in the world and 11^th in Gholgoth for Smartest Citizens, with 120.89 quips per hour.