The Loving Couple of SapphicWitches is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Stable Boy with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 8.938 billion SapphicWitchesians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arms and Armo. The average income tax rate is 73.2%.

The frighteningly efficient SapphicWitchesian economy, worth 985 trillion snails a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 110,291 snails, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Politicians spend a lot of time hanging around kids' playgrounds, employers may fire workers without giving any reason, SapphicWitchesians teach life's not worth a damn 'til you can shout out 'I am what I am', and the nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. SapphicWitches's national animal is the owl, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Cards.

SapphicWitches is ranked 47,432^nd in the world and 8^th in Boston for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 2,027.57 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.