The Autonomous Kalifate of Samorkhal is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Kalif Izudin Bahrudin Asanevič with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 4 billion Samorkhali are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vostar. The average income tax rate is 45.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Samorkhali economy, worth 148 trillion Valmoran Dukats a year, is led by the Furniture Restoration industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 37,152 Valmoran Dukats, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion, students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations, scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new, and prison walls have had to be modified to keep parkour-trained criminals from escaping. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Samorkhal's national animal is the Gray Wolf and its national religion is Ubaid Lahadaw.

Samorkhal is ranked 59,207^th in the world and 2^nd in Scoria for Most Primitive, scoring 47.43 on the Scary Big Number Scale.