The Independent State of Samoa is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by PM Tuilaepa Aiono Sailele Malielegaoi with an iron fist, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, public floggings, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 28.321 billion Samoans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Apia. The average income tax rate is 78.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Samoan economy, worth a remarkable 2,559 trillion Tala a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 90,380 Tala, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

Criminals lock themselves in their mums' basements to avoid prison, obstetricians are not allowed to publish ultrasound pictures of fetuses in medical journals, little children cry as their rainbow drawings are seized by the Straight-Thought Police, and there's nothing more Samoan than revanchism. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Samoa's national animal is the Turtle, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Samoa is ranked 310,676^th in the world and 5^th in Axis of Absurdity for Rudest Citizens, with 8.62 insults per minute.