The Colony of Parkey is a massive, efficient nation, renowned for its avowedly heterosexual populace, frequent executions, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 2.108 billion Parkeyians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 90.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Parkeyian economy, worth 182 trillion rubles a year, is highly specialized and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Retail. Average income is 86,387 rubles, with the richest citizens earning 5.5 times as much as the poorest.

Children are often observed making 'sand angels' in bunkers, boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register, the government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life, and the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Parkey's national animal is the beaver, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Parkey is ranked 294,628^th in the world and 339^th in Lonia Kreptia Llor for Most Cultured, scoring 50 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.