The Holy Empire of Palmpilot is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Pope Palmpilot with an iron fist, and notable for its parental licensing program, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 33.122 billion Palmpilotians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Spirituality, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Palmpilot City. The average income tax rate is 95.5%.

The Palmpilotian economy, worth a remarkable 2,473 trillion palmpilots a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Cheese Exports industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is 74,674 palmpilots, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Prisoners can't do number twos without their "toilet buddy" present, money grows on trees, nobody looks each other in the eye at neighborhood block parties any more, and mechanics are often exhausted by their work. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Palmpilot's national animal is the goat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Palmpilot is ranked 6,832^nd in the world and 1^st in Fifth Wall for Nicest Citizens, with 39.02 average smiles per day.