The Armed Republic of Paleocacher is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by President Fulkerson with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, keen interest in outer space, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cheerful population of 31.578 billion Paleocacherians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gardena. The average income tax rate is 63.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Paleocacherian economy, worth a remarkable 6,997 trillion Selkies a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 221,604 Selkies, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Prison visits increase substantially during election years, the thrash metal version of the national anthem is topping charts, requests for government aid can be forwarded to the beach, and foreign ambassadors closely guard their culinary secrets. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paleocacher's national animal is the Red Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Paleocacher is ranked 112,745^th in the world and 143^rd in The League for Safest, scoring 78.58 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.