The Free State of Not Great Patrick is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by William Norville with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, feral children, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 15.727 billion Freed have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Industry, although Administration, Public Transport, and Spirituality are also considered important, while Law & Order and International Aid aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Norville. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 24.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Free economy, worth a remarkable 1,475 trillion Goldslips a year, is led by the Soda Sales industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Pizza Delivery. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is 93,812 Goldslips, with the richest citizens earning 8.3 times as much as the poorest.

Visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with William Norville, the law is more interested in punishing crime than preventing it, William Norville's perky ego is the talk of the town, and gift baskets often contain working nukes. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Not Great Patrick's national animal is the Raccoon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Patrician Absurdism.

Not Great Patrick is ranked 311,629^th in the world and 6^th in Region Name for Smartest Citizens, with 0.54 quips per hour.