The Eternal Kingdom of Narkina is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Santa Claus with an iron fist, and remarkable for its aversion to nipples, strictly enforced bedtime, and ban on automobiles. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 7.374 billion Narkinans are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry and Spirituality are also considered important, while Welfare and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of North Pole. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 48.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Narkinan economy, worth a remarkable 1,430 trillion Candy Canes a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Retail. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 193,953 Candy Canes, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,578,527 per year while the poor average 5,210, a ratio of 302 to 1.

Bleach is the nation's most common pesticide, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few legs, the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag, and national stress about the waning heir-line is causing a rise in alopecia. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Narkina's national animal is the Reindeer, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Narkina is ranked 1,121^st in the world and 3^rd in The League for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 320.15 on the Bus Surprisal Index.