The United States of Midlands is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with a fair hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, suspicion of poets, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 40.188 billion Midlandsians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Industry, with Defense, Education, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy receive no funds. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Midlandsian economy, worth an astonishing 29,908 trillion sand dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Automobile Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 744,211 sand dollars, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,607,808 per year while the poor average 88,861, a ratio of 40.6 to 1.

Amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance, nuclear warheads are frequently launched into space as a warning to invading meteoroids, the government thinks Midlandsians can achieve social cohesion by drinking soda together, and confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Midlands's national animal is the bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Midlands is ranked 29^th in the world and 2^nd in Capitalist Paradise for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 24,037.62 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.