The United States of Midlands is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Leader with a fair hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, flagrant waste-dumping, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 38.58 billion Midlandsians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, prioritizes Industry, although Defense, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Environment and Social Policy receive no funds. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Midlandsian economy, worth an astonishing 28,366 trillion sand dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Automobile Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 735,258 sand dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

Midlands Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere', the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit, tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash, and electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Midlands's national animal is the bear, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Midlands is ranked 21^st in the world and 3^rd in Capitalist Paradise for Fattest Citizens, with 99.22 Obesity Rate.