The Doot of Melons is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Melon Boi with an even hand, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, humorless population of 18.321 billion Melons are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonsville. The average income tax rate is 74.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Melon economy, worth a remarkable 4,004 trillion Melons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an amazing 218,566 Melons, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed, nine-year-olds are discovering that they can grow gardens in real life too, there's nothing more Melon than revanchism, and the long arm of the law possesses a rather slow hand. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Melons's national animal is the Melon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Melonism.

Melons is ranked 202,039^th in the world and 6^th in Just relax for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring zero on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.