The Republic of Mall Janitor is a mid-sized, genial nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, irreverence towards religion, and restrictive gun laws. The cynical population of 50 million Mall Janitorians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 55.2%.

The Mall Janitorian economy, worth 2.66 trillion Dollars a year, is mostly made up of the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Cheese Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 53,201 Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

Fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding", the state is footing the bill for billionaires' lawyers, agriculture is heavily subsidized by the government, and pet loving officers arrest citizens who don't give their dogs enough biscuits. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Mall Janitor's national animal is the Dog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Mall Janitor is ranked 331,308^th in the world and 3^rd in The Nationstates Shopping Mall for Largest Manufacturing Sector, scoring zero on the Gooback-Jerbs Productivity Index.