The United Holy States of Malchata is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Supreme Authority Michael with an even hand, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, absence of drug laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 1.524 billion Malchatians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Administration, although Spirituality, Defense, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Auriville. The average income tax rate is 48.4%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Malchatan economy, worth 95.2 trillion zrugots a year, is dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is 62,438 zrugots, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Battlefield gains are quickly lost when enemies don't respect a time-out, years of counter-terrorism planning are foiled by small details, workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings, and young girls often attend the same schools as their children. Crime is relatively low. Malchata's national animal is the goose, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Any Religion.

Malchata is ranked 266,696^th in the world and 1,746^th in the Plains of Perdition for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.77 kickbacks per hour.