The United States of Malandwan is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Harld with an even hand, and renowned for its infamous sell-swords, keen interest in outer space, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 2.824 billion Malandwanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Waney. The average income tax rate is 56.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Malandwanian economy, worth 261 trillion salv dimes a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 92,705 salv dimes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Large areas of Malandwan are not accessible by the public, bus ads propagandize causes ranging from sexual revolution to religious pogroms, a video of Harld wearing shock-blue face paint and smashing an electric guitar in front of a frenzied crowd is on endless repeat on the nightly news, and politicians preface their speeches with a declaration that any resemblance to speeches given by individuals living or dead is purely coincidental. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malandwan's national animal is the squid, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Atheism.

Malandwan is ranked 181,725^th in the world and 6^th in The Grand Iron Order for Largest Populations, with 2.82 billion capita.