The Oriental Esoteric Caliphate of La Vecchia is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Immortal Supreme Emperor Genghis John with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, compulsory military service, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.323 billion Peons are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Al-國民黨舊台北. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 84.1%.

The frighteningly efficient La Vecchian economy, worth a remarkable 1,212 trillion 5-Kilogram Uranium Currency Bricks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 227,867 5-Kilogram Uranium Currency Bricks, with the richest citizens earning 8.6 times as much as the poorest.

Captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes, barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Remote-Surveillance Cyborg Dragon Sea, and the military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. La Vecchia's national animal is the Remote-Surveillance Cyborg Dragon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Hyperborean Confucianist Orthodox Islam.

La Vecchia is ranked 4,739^th in the world and 312^th in Balder for Most Corrupt Governments, with 232.61 kickbacks per hour.