The District of Kettle Valley is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, remarkable for its absence of drug laws and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 32.969 billion Kettle Valleyians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Welfare, and Industry are also considered important, while Defense and Public Transport aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of District City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.2%.

The very strong Kettle Valleyian economy, worth a remarkable 1,512 trillion aurums a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 45,885 aurums, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 285,824 per year while the poor average 3,150, a ratio of 90.7 to 1.

Graffiti graces every city's streets, it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws, citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked, and Kettle Valley has designated District City as its capital city. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Kettle Valley's national animal is the bovina, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Kettle Valley is ranked 326,804^th in the world and 1^st in Park for Lowest Crime Rates, with 36.22 law-abiding acts per hour.