The Kelzayid Sultanate of Kelzay is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Sultan Hakim al-Kelzayi with an iron fist, and remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, compulsory gun ownership, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.685 billion Kelzayans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zahran. The average income tax rate is 29.3%.

The powerhouse Kelzayan economy, worth 278 trillion Dirham al-Kelzayis a year, is quite specialized and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 75,605 Dirham al-Kelzayis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi, Sultan Hakim al-Kelzayi claims tax rises are the result of 'curses', poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild, and wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kelzay's national animal is the Kelzayan Lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Sunni Islam.

Kelzay is ranked 177,426^th in the world and 1^st in Messiah for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 122.17 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.