The Pastoral Protectorate of Kawan is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Royal Commissioner Oreelti Luiqelm with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, compulsory military service, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 23.806 billion Kawanians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ch'tisishul. The average income tax rate is 93.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Kawanian economy, worth a remarkable 3,895 trillion Akisas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Retail, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 163,637 Akisas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Colonies are told they'll get their sovereignty back when they finish supper, the government is hounded to provide tissues whenever the feelings of the Dàguó people are hurt, guide dogs for the blind have been seen using government websites, and it's often raining men (hallelujah) in Ch'tisishul. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kawan's national animal is the brown bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Kawan is ranked 78,725^th in the world and 4^th in New Chesapeake for Most Scientifically Advanced, scoring 121.92 on the Kurzweil Singularity Index.