The Free Market Zone of Kalatchevia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by General Killemall with an iron fist, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, infamous sell-swords, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 6.716 billion Kalatchevians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The minute, corrupt, pro-business government, or what there is of one, juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of City 17. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Kalatchevian economy, worth a remarkable 1,619 trillion Petrodollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Soda Sales. Average income is an amazing 241,157 Petrodollars, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,435,359 per year while the poor average 18,556, a ratio of 77.3 to 1.

The government is encouraging people to go on citric acid trips, mountain rescue missions can end with more people lost than found, teenagers sit around on their butts all day, and at least 1% of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs budget goes to General Killemall's wardrobe. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Kalatchevia's national animal is the Irradiated cockroach, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Alcoholism.

Kalatchevia is ranked 285,627^th in the world and 100^th in Capitalist Paradise for Most Primitive, scoring -447.78 on the Scary Big Number Scale.