The Empire of Jonialand is a gargantuan, safe nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, prohibition of alcohol, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed population of 12.689 billion Jonians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The tiny, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 8.1%.

The Jonialandian economy, worth 701 trillion Jonials a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Woodchip Exports, and Information Technology. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 55,317 Jonials, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

Group hugs break out during floor votes, children's books regularly feature formerly distressed damsels suing their princes, citizens finish cleaning up after the annual National Treasure Hunt just in time for the next one, and six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to a capable police force. Jonialand's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Jonialand is ranked 228,605^th in the world and 31^st in New Western Atlantic for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -6.32 on the Clooney Contribution Index.