The United States of Johannesda is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by President Velasco with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, punitive income tax rates, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.257 billion Johannesdans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while Spirituality and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Johannesburg. The average income tax rate is 70.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Johannesdan economy, worth a remarkable 1,081 trillion kiels a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 254,012 kiels, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Johannesdans are shown the peaceful ways of free trade by force, teenagers claim that morning paper rounds are performance art, "Surfin' USJ" is a hit, and one little fight can find you movin' to be the fresh prince of Ilba. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Johannesda's national animal is the common loon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Johannesda is ranked 58,967^th in the world and 6^th in Mappy nerds for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 3,574 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.