The Watchfires of Ionian Islander is a gargantuan, safe nation, notable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 23.063 billion Ionian Islanderians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 35.9%.

The very strong Ionian Islanderian economy, worth a remarkable 1,436 trillion $$s a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Gambling, Tourism, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 62,274 $$s, with the richest citizens earning 5.1 times as much as the poorest.

Country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized, prison reforms have replaced communal luaus with communal loos, government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples, and all statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ionian Islander's national animal is the Dolly Varden, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Ionian Islander is ranked 121,755^th in the world and 1^st in Ionian Islands for Highest Disposable Incomes, with 39,918.15 Standard Monetary Units.