The United Kingdom of Ioniae is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Vasiliás Aléxios tis Gothías with an iron fist, and notable for its disturbing lack of elderly people, otherworldly petting zoo, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.792 billion Ioniæns are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nea Apollonia. The average income tax rate is 73.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ioniæn economy, worth 189 trillion Dracmes a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Trout Farming, Basket Weaving, and Information Technology. Average income is an impressive 105,622 Dracmes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

The running costs of homeless shelters are so high that it would be cheaper to buy houses for the homeless, the main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story, parking's carefree without parking car fees, and older citizens lament over the loss of law and order. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ioniae's national animal is the Cerberos, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Néo Orthódoxoi.

Ioniae is ranked 25,063^rd in the world and 90^th in Concord for Safest, scoring 111.49 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.