The Federal Republic of Hoxton is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Callum L Grady with an iron fist, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, flagrant waste-dumping, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.853 billion Hoxtonians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Industry, with Defense, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Haven. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Hoxtonian economy, worth 309 trillion percentiles a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Gambling, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 167,235 percentiles, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,516,372 per year while the poor average 2,158, a ratio of 702 to 1.

An eye for an eye leaves Hoxton blind, children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban, the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups, and people are raising their middle finger to non-digital currencies. Crime is a problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Hoxton's national animal is the dragon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Päron.

Hoxton is ranked 279,867^th in the world and 2^nd in Labyrinth Global for Most Primitive, scoring -332.47 on the Scary Big Number Scale.