The Great Technocratic Empire of Helv is a colossal, cultured nation, notable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, frequent executions, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed population of 2.671 billion Helvians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Helvia. The average income tax rate is 89.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Helvian economy, worth 234 trillion Helvian Francs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Information Technology, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 87,735 Helvian Francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The big red machine has ground to a halt, the number of judges has tripled in recent months, foreign leaders who don't applaud Leader's speeches are regarded as enemies of Helv, and art is not complete without a touch of alizarin blood and titanium sweat. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Helv's national animal is the Red Kite, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Helv is ranked 22,763^rd in the world and 91^st in the Plains of Perdition for Smartest Citizens, with 64.45 quips per hour.