The Republic of Helmut Witte is a gargantuan, safe nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, otherworldly petting zoo, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 28.579 billion Helmut Witteans are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 19.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Helmut Wittean economy, worth a remarkable 1,850 trillion nas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Automobile Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Book Publishing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is 64,740 nas, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 265,715 per year while the poor average 10,414, a ratio of 25.5 to 1.

The Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy, a handful of megacorporations own every "craft brewery" in the nation, inheritance tax has recently been abolished, and trust-fund babies line up for places in community college. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force. Helmut Witte's national animal is the na, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Helmut Witte is ranked 270,046^th in the world and 10,573^rd in Balder for Nicest Citizens, with 1.23 average smiles per day.