The Socialist Pessimists of Hellawi is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Comrade BluzMynki with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, museums and concert halls, and compulsory vegetarianism. The compassionate population of 24.113 billion Hellawi are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wherda. The average income tax rate is 68.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hellawi economy, worth a remarkable 2,573 trillion Mynkis a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 106,713 Mynkis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines, refugees from other nations are flocking to Hellawi's border, citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons, and crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hellawi's national animal is the Aardvark, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Hellawi is ranked 31,941^st in the world and 10^th in Hippy Haven for Lowest Crime Rates, with 81.59 law-abiding acts per hour.