The Socialist Pessimists of Hellawi is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Comrade BluzMynki with an iron fist, and notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 28.904 billion Hellawi are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wherda. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hellawi economy, worth a remarkable 4,416 trillion Mynkis a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 152,814 Mynkis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

If someone says there's plenty of living space in Hellawi they're lyin', when flight control tells pilots to alter course the usual reply is "No, YOU move!", the government single-handedly sustains the bunk bed market, and twins move across the country to avoid being accused of the other's crimes. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hellawi's national animal is the Aardvark, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Hellawi is ranked 305,808^th in the world and 48^th in Hippy Haven for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.32 kickbacks per hour.