The Beer Products of Guinness is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Diageo with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, sprawling nuclear power plants, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 20.762 billion Guinnessians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Education, with Industry, Environment, and Defense also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of St James Gate Brewery. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 83.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Guinnessian economy, worth a remarkable 8,439 trillion pints a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Retail, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 406,503 pints, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,147,470 per year while the poor average 115,277, a ratio of 10.0 to 1.

Vaccinations are mandatory, abortions are routinely performed in the nation's hospitals, large sections of Guinness have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there, and Guinness is renowned for its lax gun laws. Crime is totally unknown. Guinness's national animal is the toucan, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Guinness.

Guinness is ranked 305,245^th in the world and 3^rd in Guinness for Nicest Citizens, with 0.34 average smiles per day.